Dumpster Fires of the Week: Pigs on a spit

Almost an all-SEC edition of the Dumpster Fires this week: Missouri escaped with a 9-6 "win" over UConn.

Dumpster Fires of the Week: Week 3

1. Arkansas

Pork Tenderloin, The Sequel.

When you are as big as blowhard ass as Bret Bielema, spouting off about other team’s schedules and whatever, you better have your shit together, or teams are going to take extreme joy in beating you. Looking like a lot coaches are probably going to be very happy this year.

Fresh off their embarrassing home loss to Toledo, the Razorbacks had a chance at redemption against a Texas Tech team that the Pigs pounded in Lubbock last year. Instead, Coach Bro got revenge when his spread offense ripped the Hogs at home for 45 points.

A 2-10 season for the Hogs is very possible, with 0-5 in the SEC West looking like a lock. They play Tennessee and Mizzou from the East. Only a late season game against Tennessee-Martin will likely see the Hogs favored again.

2. Auburn

First, how in the world is Auburn is still ranked? Just ridiculous, especially after getting completely trucked by a one-dimensional LSU offense.

I’m sure Leonard Fournette and LSU’s OL are very good, but we keep hearing how every game is tough in the SEC, how every defense is tough in the SEC. Well, LSU treated Auburn’s collection of four- and five-star recruits like they were Akron.

Gus Malzahn has a serious problem on his hands, both offensively and defensively. If things don’t radically improve on offense, then only the Arkansas game and whatever marginal team from the SEC East is on the schedule look like solid wins for a team ranked in the top 10 earlier this year.

3. South Carolina

Continuing our SEC theme, Georiga-South Carolina used to be a great early season matchup, with either great defensive battles or exciting games featuring big-time talent on both sides of the ball. This year, South Carolina got blown out by an UGA squad that features a former Virginia backup as its starting QB.

Right now, South Carolina’s only chance of winning an SEC game is either Vanderbilt, which played UGA much tougher than the feisty chickens, or Missouri. With LSU and Texas on their schedule from the West, the Gamecocks might go 4-8.

The Head Ball Coach might start to think about becoming the Ex-Ball Coach.

4. Nick Saban’s big game rep

All last week, we heard about how good Nick Saban is in revenge games. The Alabama defense is great. Alabama is invincible at home. Saban gets the most out of teams.

So what happens in the Ole Miss game? First, Saban completely craps the bed with his QB choice, as Cooper Bateman fails to do anything with offense. The Tide also had a complete mental breakdown and basically spotted Ole Miss 17 points off three early turnovers.

In total, 43 points, five turnovers and another torching by a competent passing game at home. Saban got outcoached again, and his team played like crap in the spotlight.

5. Illinois

Our non SEC entry.

Illinois was an early contender for Dumpster Fire Program of the Year, with only Rutgers’ academic scandal and player arrests keeping the Fighting Illini from the title. Then, they started out OK under interim coach Bill Cubit. Then, they actually played someone with a pulse Saturday.

North Carolina, not exactly a juggernaut, bombed Illinois, 48-14. Now the Illini have one more minor cupcake before Big Ten play.

The competition for the Big Ten cellar could be intense.

-Atlantasooner